Written by Dr. Jocelyn Connolly, PT
It started as a whisper of discomfort in college, a subtle ache that soon grew into a constant, sharp pain that made sex unbearable. I was on track to become a physical therapist, but this unexpected detour led me to a specialty I hadn’t planned on—pelvic floor physical therapy. To pull back the curtains for a moment.... My skin would crawl when I had to say the word Vagina. I would sometimes whisper or spell it out!!! Yeah... VERY unexpected detour. Fear, however, kept me from diving in. I longed to learn everything about healing and help others like me, but I knew I couldn’t guide anyone until I faced my own pain.
For what felt like forever, I believed it would take years before I was ready to embrace this specialty. But then life threw me a curveball. I met someone who made me realize I had a choice: continue hiding from the world and my pain or open my heart to healing and the possibility of love. I chose healing, and in doing so, I not only found a partner but also discovered a passion that would shape my career—helping others navigate their own journeys to pain-free intimacy.
Understanding the Three Dimensions of Healing Intimacy
Pelvic floor health is a complex and often messy journey. You might wonder why, but the truth is, nearly everything in your life impacts your pelvic floor. When I embarked on my own healing journey, I knew it wouldn't be a quick fix. Years of personal experience and nearly a decade in the field have shown me that a holistic approach is the secret to overcoming pelvic floor problems for good.
Through my quest for healing, I discovered that achieving pain-free sex isn't just about one thing—it's about addressing three critical dimensions: chemical, physical, and stress/emotional factors.
Chemical Factors
Hormones, gut health, inflammation, and the vaginal microbiome all play crucial roles in intimate health. For instance, hormonal imbalances can lead to dryness and discomfort, while an unhealthy gut can affect your overall well-being in ways you might not even realize.
Balancing these factors is essential for enhancing sexual comfort and pleasure. This could mean changing your diet, managing inflammation through lifestyle adjustments, or using supplements to support essential physiological functions. Every aspect of your lifestyle—from how you eat and sleep, what you wear, to how you exercise, and even how you clean your home—affects your internal environment.
For me, the journey to healing included getting off birth control, revamping my diet, altering my workout routine, and eliminating anything toxic to my system. These changes cleared up the final 25% of pain during sex that remained even after extensive pelvic floor rehab. I always knew the gut was important, but I didn’t realize just how central it would become—not only to my healing but also to the way we now help others in our business.
Physical Factors
Physical barriers like tight muscles, scar tissue, and core weakness are often at the root of pain during sex. Tight pelvic floor muscles or scar tissue from surgeries can limit movement and lead to discomfort. Exercises designed to improve the performance of the pelvic floor, along with reverse Kegels to release muscle tension, can dramatically improve your comfort and pleasure.
Working with a pelvic floor physical therapist can be life-changing. These experts possess a unique skill set—one that goes beyond what most other healthcare providers offer. They are movement specialists who can apply their knowledge directly to your sex life, teaching you the tools you need to take control of your body and become your own best advocate. If you've seen a pelvic floor therapist and haven't found relief, it might be that you haven’t found the right one, or there may be other areas in your life that need attention to fully benefit from the care.
What about gynecologists? While they are vital team members, especially when it comes to acute infections, diseases, medications, and procedures, many lack the specialized knowledge in muscle assessment, movement, nutrition, and lifestyle that pelvic floor therapists have. They also often don’t have the time to delve into these areas. While their advice is often well-intentioned, if I would have followed the advice of my mainstream western medicine gynecologists' about my issues, I would have gotten worse. To the gynecologists sending people to pelvic floor physical therapy - thank you! To those who would like to know more, I would love to connect!
Stress and Emotional Factors
Stress and emotional factors are often overlooked but are incredibly important in intimacy. High stress levels can worsen physical symptoms and create barriers to pleasure. Open communication with your partner, surrendering to the healing process, and embracing your authentic self are key to overcoming these challenges. Mindfulness practices and seeking support from a therapist can also be powerful tools in managing emotional stress.
For me, this was arguably the most crucial factor—not just in my sex life but in every aspect of life. I used to tell myself, "I'm not an anxious person." But a few years ago, I realized that anxiety had been my constant companion since childhood, serving as a shield in a high-pressure, tumultuous environment. However, it didn't serve me well in the bedroom. During sex, my mind would wander to everything but the moment itself. I was so self-conscious about my body and my performance that it's no wonder sex was painful.
The Journey to Pain-Free SEX
This journey was not without its trials. There were moments of fear, frustration, tears, and self-doubt. I have done things that I said, "I would never do that." or "I could never give that up." But with each step, I grew stronger, more resilient, and more unapologetically authentic. I discovered that pain-free sex (and pleasure) was not just a destination but a continuous process of self-discovery and growth.
"I discovered that pain-free sex (and pleasure) was not just a destination but a continuous process of self-discovery and growth."
By sharing parts of my story, I hope to empower you to address these dimensions in your own life. Understanding and tackling chemical, physical, and emotional factors can transform not just your sex life but your entire approach to well-being.
Join Us for More Insights
Want to dive deeper into how you can experience pain-free and pleasure-rich intimacy? Join our upcoming free webinar:
Discover How To Experience Sex without Pain and Achieve the Pleasure You Deserve and Desire through Our 3 Dimensional Healing Intimacy Method.
In this webinar, we’ll explore effective strategies and provide tools to help you unlock a more satisfying and comfortable intimate experience.
Embrace your story, face your challenges, and unlock the path to a more joyful and intimate life. Understanding and addressing these three dimensions is key to achieving lasting comfort and pleasure.
Sign up today and take the first step toward a more fulfilling and pleasurable sex life!
Author: Dr. Jocelyn Connolly, PT
Doctor of Physical Therapy, Co-Founder of The Vagina Docs
Dr. Jocelyn, co-owner of The Vagina Docs, is a Doctor of Physical Therapy specializing in pelvic health. With a passion for helping women transform pain during sex into pleasure, she has dedicated her career to empowering women through education, top-notch clinical care, and innovative treatment approaches. Dr. Jocelyn’s expertise lies in guiding women to overcome pelvic floor dysfunction, enhance intimacy, and improve their overall quality of life. When she’s not treating patients or educating the community, she’s committed to advocating for women's health and wellness.
Learn more about Dr. Jocelyn and her work at www.vaginadocs.com
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